She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Your cock deserves a montage
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
