I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
