You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
