an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
