I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
