Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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