VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
