he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
