If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Four minutes until I can fart!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
