I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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