we have pet lesbian snakes
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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