I wish I only lived at night.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
