I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
