How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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