I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
4 words: hood of his car
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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