Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
