we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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