I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
