You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
