I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
