I just made out with a guy for $7.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
