I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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