why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
