Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
