Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
