ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
