what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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