He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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