There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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