we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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