One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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