Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
