It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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