dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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