you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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