he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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