his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
