my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
