You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
