If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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