First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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