textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize