I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
