I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
where are my eyebrows?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
