I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
