I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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