guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
foreskin is a definite game changer
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
