i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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