We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
