"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
birth control should be required to get into college
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
