I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize