Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
