a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
