Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
