We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize