the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
