4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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