My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
