I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
