I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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