Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
