Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
