No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
