I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
