I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
