Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize