i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
