The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
