Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
