Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
