her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize