just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
