He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
