I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Randomize
