i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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