Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
