she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
