the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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