According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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