You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
