hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
