What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
ugly people sure do ruin things
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
