Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize