I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
