my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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