Will you blow on my dice?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
