I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
