Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
