i barfeds in our rink
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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