I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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