I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
