think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
