I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish you could order shots online.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
